what can you say? what can you do?

What can you say? What can you do? We NEVER ALWAYS get what we WANT. That is just life. Even if you tried your hardest to achieve to work things out your results may not EQUATE to the amount of EFFORT or DEDICATION you have invested in making it successful. What can you say? What can you do? You have already done all that you can do. What now? Give up? Surrender? Let it be? Let it go? What should I do? Life is too short to relive every lost opportunity. I guess one of my OPTIONS is to LEARN how to deal with life as it is. I know this is a very challenging task to me because it is MY human nature to try to avoid ALL DISASTERS, but we all know that is IMPOSSIBLE. I just have to accept the fact that I cannot always TRY to INTERVENE the nature of TIME, PURPOSE, REASON, AMBIGUITIES, . . . Life is life. What can you say? What can you do?

This is one TOUGH journey. LEARNING to DEAL with life as it is. Straying away from the FANTASY world and snapping back in to REALITY can be frightening. Many times I feel LOST, INSECURE, ALONE, and even sometimes TOO ANALYTICAL to the point that it drives me INSANE. Yes, THINKING is HEALTHY, but OVER ANALYZING, REFLECTING, THINKING . . . can be DANGEROUS. RISKY. OVERWHELMING. In a way, I guess, me always OVER THINKING things allow me to STEP-BACK and try to see the OVERALL PICTURE in LIFE and just try to UNDERSTAND every SHAPE, COLOR, SIZE, LIGHTENING, SHADOW, CONTEXT, TEXTURE . . . of LIFE and try to make the BEST out of it, even if it is DEPRESSING to see the things I have never seen before.

This is my time. My OPPORTUNITY to LOOK at LIFE in a POSITIVE LIGHT of DIRECTION, while I am still young. I am afraid one day my THINKING will CONSUME me and take me away from the real person I am inside. Deep down inside there is a KID, me, who is not ready to ACCEPT the terms of REALITY. I want to keep that INNOCENT and PURE PERSPECTIVE as a CHILD. I don't want to be CORRUPTED by SOCIETY'S STANDARDS & LIFE EXPECTATIONS. I want to be HAPPY. A happy child who can see every thing in life with a LIGHT of HOPE and JOY as I grow OLDER & MATURE. Yes, I know we all have to GROW UP and be an ADULT in some time and point in life, but I NEVER want to LOSE that INNOCENT, PURE, and JOYFUL mind as a child.

I am not saying that I am not MATURE. May be this is my opinion, but I think that I am too MATURE for my age in some things in life. *sigh* What can I say? What can I do? Life is life. Just have to deal with it :[